Who are the stars in the English Premiership?! Tevez, Drogba, Ronaldo- the latter I don’t even know if can be considered as he’s mostly a diver with great acting skills. Anyway, point is: the foreigners.

Lampard, Terry, Rooney, Gerrard. What do they do? Parade with pretty- stupid, if you will – women and make a lot of money for nothing. They’re all average, but put them to play here and they’re seen as stars because everyone else is even worse! of course there are exceptions…most of them, the foreigners.

There was Beckham, there was Owen.

Seriously, don’t look so surprised, England, at watching your team embarass itself. And don’t go blaming Capello either…he might not be the perfect coach but who is with a team like this?!

Renew the bloody squad! Refresh with new talent that actually WANTS to play and WANTS to win. Leave out the paycheck players…people die of starvation, of lack of medical help and even basic needs and all kinds of reasons that shouldn’t even exist because of the stupid fact that they don’t have money. And then these geezers make tens of thousands A WEEK for NOTHING! And don’t get me started on bankers…sickening doesn’t even begin to describe it.

No wonder Robinho wasn’t happy here…

They’re all hanging out in Hampstead…

Why is London so full of annoying people? Aren’t they all meant to be at Glasto this weekend? Not that only annoying people go there…I’ve got great friends that love it. It’s just that the annoying people tend to concentrate at big social events as they have want to be seen to pretend they’re cool. And then they go and start chatting loud at the front of a gig seeking attention and spoiling it for those who actually went for the music – or those who missed out on the tickets because of those Bees.

Greetings from

It really is a rollercoaster ride. Every minute of the day, with every thought comes a different feeling: sometimes it makes my stomach twist, sometimes it crushes my heart or it makes it race so fast I didn’t know it was possible, or a cold wave comes up inside me through my stomach up to my heart flooding it in a flash. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, sometimes it involuntary opens a big smile on my face.

But yesterday it just made me feel so weak and hopeless and useless I literaly broke down and cried. As I tried to walk away, the tears felt so heavy my knees gave in and I just sat on the ground afraid I was going to fall if I kept going.

And it’s not just the feelings that hurt, the heart and stomach actually do physically hurt too! The stomach twists in a different way, a sad way and the heart feels like it’s literally breaking into a million little pieces.

I still cannot believe those words. What pains me the most is knowing that they weren’t true and knowing the real problem behind them and not having a clue what to do or what’s going to happen. Though the worst thing is to know that I’ve become exactly what I’ve always hated: a woman crying and suffering like this because of a man. It’s pathetic. Fortunately, the reasonable part of me still knows that I’m only 24 and that it’s the least of my problems and it shouldn’t be a priority in my life, but still doesn’t make it any easier. I actually could be reacting differently and just move on, but this time I actually choose to “enjoy” the blues so I can appreciate the red more.

Hate to be ordinary, but considering the situation is the most common of all, don’t really care…it’s a bottle of wine and DVD night. It’s usually Ben & Jerry’s, but I think this time is different.

"What came first?  The music or the
            misery?  People worry about kids
            playing with guns and watching
            violent videos, we're scared that
            some sort of culture of violence is
            taking them over...

            But nobody worries about kids
            listening to thousands -- literally
            thousands -- of songs about broken
            hearts and rejection and pain and
            misery and loss.

            Did I listen to pop music because I
            was miserable, or was I miserable
            because I listened to pop music?"

If you don’t want me to leave
Then don’t push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I’m going nowhere

I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you’re closing your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

I’m gonna stay
You can’t push me to far
There’s no space in my heart
Where I don’t wanna love you

And when there’s no, no stone
Then how can I feel the corn
If there’s nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you’re closing your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

So I’m gonna stay, yes I will
You can’t push me to far
There’s no space in my heart
Where I don’t wanna love you

And if you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We’d still be alone
And we’d still be afraid
I’m going nowhere
I’m going nowhere

‘Cause I’m gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there’s tears in your eyes
‘Cause you don’t wanna love me

I’m gonna stay
All the tears that I’ve cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don’t wanna love me

Could leave them to dry
If you don’t wanna love me

I texted him saying “I want to come with you!” and now I have to wake up in about 6 hours to spend 12 hours in the City of Light. A bit An Education-inspired.

Just won’t have time to re-visit my dearest Jim.

Lately (and most of the time), lots of the songs I’ve been listening to take me back to some of the best times of my life which were spent in Germany…and make me think of all the people I love and miss so much and all the times we spent together.

Being with the Dutch family here also remind me a lot of it…not because Holland is a neighbour! But lots of things in the way the parents are remind me of my host parents in Germany. And it’s a good thing although it makes me miss them more.

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. One minute I can’t wait to go home and think I’m never doing this again; next minute I am thinking it’s great to get away from everything and everyone and put my thoughts in order while making good money and exploring a new place, meeting new people.

It’s the same feeling I have towards one of the people in the house too. One minute she drives me mad and I just want to explode and tell her off; next we’re watching TV together and I’m finding her extremely endearing.

There’s also the feeling of gratefulness. In times of crisis and expensive, even though shit, education to pay for, I not only got a job, but got extra ones! And have I mentioned how I am moving in to one of my boss’ attic (not that she has many attics. I’m the one with more than one boss!). So 2010 will at least start as a rent-free year. And not only they offered me the attic, but also told me I could move in earlier and BRING THE ROOMMIE WITH ME! She’s leaving London in March, so we were going to stay in our flat until then to avoid the hassle that is finding a semi-decent yet affordable place in the capital. And our new place is just a walk up the road from the old one anyway, so it’s perfect!

A little more about the Alps…it’s beautiful, no doubt about it! Especially coming from Brazil, it’s so different and exactly like I used to watch in movies: massive mountains and pine trees covered in snow and cosy, wooden chalets everywhere.

Ski resort, very expensive. I am staying with a Dutch family who’s lovely! Quite conventional and traditional, the 8-year-old version of me would have loved it! But even though I am pretty much the opposite nowadays, I still enjoy it very much. Had a white family Christmas. With caviar for dinner, which I really like, but missed the usual chester even though I haven’t had one since my last Christmas at home in 2003!

One thing I was dreading in the beginning but turned out to be one of my favourite parts of the day is dinner time! Family dinner. Not only the food is always amazing, but the conversations are a lot of fun too with topics ranging from the kids to music to movies, world issues, etc. Regardless, it’s always filled with jokes after jokes and endless laughter.

Really wish I was going home this Tuesday, had been counting the days for the past week, miss my room- definitely not the flat!, friends, certain men- sort of- but especially my dearest roommie who’s leaving so soon. Don’t mind that much having to stay a bit longer though apart from the fact that I sort of ran out of clothes and can’t buy any here. I brought two pairs of jeans and my favourite has now a massive hole on my left thigh! Have to get another pair as soon as I LAND! well, and get paid, since I have about 8 pounds left in my account and about 3 swiss francs in my wallet which are going towards the last 2 postcards I have to send.

Used my last francs to stock up on Ovomaltine chocolate bars that I got addicted to here and don’t think exist in England and got a few bits and pieces for the roommie. Missed her bday and xmas!

Should go to bed now. Got at least FIVE more days of work ahead of me.